" She would be free...": Consumed: Part III

This is the final part of "Consumed" by Hilary Armstrong:

Perhaps the best way to describe how God relates to me is to share a scene from The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis:

Shortly after Jill Pole and Eustace Scrubb enter Narnia, Jill shows off and, in her arrogance, accidentally pushes Esutace off a cliff where he falls, but then is blown away by a great lion. This leaves Jill alone feeling wretched. After crying, she is thirsty and begins looking for water, but is afraid of the lion she saw blow Eustace away.

The wood was so still that it was not difficult to decide where the sound was coming from. It grew clearer every moment and, sooner than she expected, she came to an open glade and saw the stream, bright as glass, running across the turf a stone’s throw away from her. But although the sight of the water made her feel ten times thirstier than before, she didn’t rush forward and drink. She stood as still as if she had been turned into stone, with her mouth wide open. And she had a very good reason; just on this side of the stream lay the lion.

It lay with its head raised and its two fore-paws out in front of it, like the lions in Trafalgar Square. She knew at once that it had seen her, for its eyes looked straight into hers for a moment and then turned away--as if it knew her quite well and didn’t think much of her.

‘If I run away, it’ll be after me in a moment,’ thought Jill. ‘And if I go on, I shall run straight into its mouth.’ Anyway, she couldn’t have moved if she had tried, and she couldn’t take her eyes off it. How long this lasted, she could not be sure; it seemed like hours. And the thirst became so bad that she almost felt she would not mind being eaten by the lion if only she could be sure of getting a mouthful of water first.

‘If you’re thirsty, you may drink.'

They were the first words she had heard since Scrubb had spoken to her on the edge of the cliff. For a second she stared here and there, wondering who had spoken. Then the voice said again, ‘If you are thirsty, come and drink,’ and of course she remembered what Scrubb had said about animals talking in that other world, and realized that it was the lion speaking. Anyway, she had seen its lips move this time, and the voice was not like a man’s. It was deeper, wilder, and stronger; a sort of heavy golden voice. It did not make her any less frightened than she had been before, but it made her frightened in rather a different way.

‘Are you not thirsty?’ said the Lion.

‘I’m dying of thirst,’ said Jill.

‘Then drink,’ said the Lion.

‘May I--could I--would you mind going away while I do?’ said Jill.

The Lion answered this only by a look and a very low growl. And as Jill gazed at its motionless bulk, she realized that she might as well have asked the whole mountain to move aside for her convenience.

The delicious rippling noise of the stream was driving her nearly frantic.

‘Will you promise not to--do anything to me, if I do come?’ said Jill.

‘I make no promise,’ said the Lion.

Jill was so thirsty now that, without noticing it, she had come a step nearer.

‘Do you eat girls?’ she said.

‘I have swallowed up girls and boys, women and men, kings and emperors, cities and realms,’ said the Lion. It didn’t say this as if it were boasting, nor as if it were sorry nor as if it were angry. It just said it.

‘I daren’t come and drink,’ said Jill.

‘Then you will die of thirst,’ said the Lion.

‘Oh dear!’ said Jill, coming another step nearer. ‘I suppose I must go and look for another stream then.’

‘There is no other stream,’ said the Lion.

It never occurred to Jill to disbelieve the Lion--no one who had seen his stern face could do that--and her mind suddenly made itself up. It was the worst thing she had ever had to do, but she went forward to the stream, knelt down, and began scooping up water in her hand. It was the coldest, most refreshing water she had ever tasted. You didn’t need to drink much of it, for it quenched your thirst at once. Before she tasted it she had been intending to make a dash away from the Lion the moment she had finished. Now, she realized that this would be on the whole the most dangerous thing of all. She got up and stood there with her lips still wet from drinking.

‘Come here,’ said the Lion. And she had to.”

God told me to come, and I had to.

I believe He is the Lord of the only stream and to reach it, I must face Him. Yet, He is terrible, like a Lion that makes no promise not to consume me.

And He consumes me, and I am nothing.

After my sophomore year at college, I still struggled with cutting a little. Not much. It seemed silly most of the time, though struggling for control over my life is not silly and not easy for me to give up. Also, after that year, I retired from the soccer team and felt immensely better about not being an athlete. My roommate that year and I restored our friendship for the remaining two years of our college career, though I am not in touch with her now. My sister survived her suicide attempt though there is still pain... lots of pain.

My life continued on. However, being consumed by the Lion has made everything in my life different. I think people may read that passage in The Silver Chair and think Jill was fortunate not to be eaten... or maybe that it is out of character for Aslan, the Lord of Narnia, to devour children. However, though Jill was not eaten by Aslan, I think the point is that she is consumed with Him.

Being consumed by a mighty beast, a force more powerful than yourself, a being greater than you are, is the point. And, it is a good and loving God who does not content Himself with our comfortable, safe, easy or self-centered lives. It is a good God who devours us, consumes us and is not content until we understand that we exist only for His sake... only to do what He charges us to do, for our ultimate good.