A Lesson in Expectations

I am realizing lately that I need to lower my expectations of others. The way I was brought up was to be very particular about not inconveniencing other people. Though I struggle with time management and can sometimes be late, generally speaking, if it's an event where I know people are waiting on me to get started, I try my best to be on time or early. I attempt to answer every phone call or text as soon as I can, because I know I have a pretty disorganized brain! If I don't do reply right away, I may never reply!

But even the best of people don't always value being considerate as much as I have been raised to value it. Recently, I hosted my very first baby shower for a close friend. I gave the invites to the couple to hand out to their work friends (at the couple's request), as they kept forgetting to get addresses and contact info. I was sure to include an RSVP email on the invites. Two weeks went by and there was no reply--from anyone. Finally after waiting until the last possible moment to shop, I realized that I had no idea how many people to plan for. No one may show up or a handful could show up. And I couldn't cancel because I had no one's contact info and someone might have showed up at the door, ready for the party.

 All I could think of was, how rude! I was going to have to bake a bunch of stuff for this brunch, buy cutlery, plates, napkins, gifts for game winners, food, drinks, party favors and so on for an event where likely no one would show. At the time, I really did not have extra money floating around either. Finally the shower began. Food was arranged carefully on nice dishes and music was playing. One person showed an hour late. The only other guest arrived two hours late. My friend was embarrassed and uncomfortable at the way the whole ordeal turned out. And I was thrown under the bus for it.

I was so pissed at the whole ordeal, that I never wanted to do something nice ever again! Seeking some validation, I called another friend who was quite the expert at event planning and asked her if this kind of situation was typical. Apparently it is pretty rare to RSVP nowadays. She explained to me that you have to go into one of these events expecting frustration. She has even had quite a few situations where it is like pulling teeth to get any necessary info from the person she is hosting the event for (addresses of guests, etc...). It has made her feel like no one really cares about the event but her herself. "You just have to try to remind yourself that you are doing something that they will be very thankful for later," she explained.

I felt better after talking to my friend, but it took me a while to get over how frustrated I was. And here I am offering my services for another situation where I am being inconvenienced once again. A simple text would have been plenty sufficient to avoid waisting my time, sleep, and gas money in this present circumstance. How irritating!

Driving in southern Georgia is another cause of frustration. I never had road rage until I moved here!

 The sheer amount of people who pull out in front of you, instead of the lane beside you, and then proceed to accelerate so slowly that you almost wreck trying to adjust....is insane. It is also very interesting how a regional group's driving reveals their values. In the north, for instance, people have somewhere to go. Time efficiency is valued. They may be rude and cut you off, but they will often speed up. There is an understanding that other people have somewhere to go. Here, their driving reveals how little they care about anyone else. They will do what they want [on the road] because their own self is what is most important. Granted many people here have nothing to do or nowhere to go, so I am sure they think no one else does either. But it's no excuse! (I am so full of mercy right now aren't I!) This attitude of "the-world-revolves-around-me" certainly is reflected everywhere--in sales, in customer service, everywhere.

These are the kind of things that have been making it hard to do the little everyday stuff. I am filled with a mixture of anger and resentment. Anger at people's self-centered attitudes that make everyone else's lives harder. Resentful that others don't want to give me the respect and care that I give them. Saturday, everything piled on me so heavily that I was on the brink of tears all day. I felt that I couldn't stand it anymore--feeling neglected, used, and devalued. I burst into a few anger-filled crying sessions as the day progressed, feeling as though I just want to give up trying at all.

But this has been a lesson in expectations and pride. I realized last week that I can continue being frustrated daily by Georgia drivers, friends, clients, and family or I can lower my expectations. It is not easy wrapping my mind around that. It seems like a defeat of sorts. I want to rebel and say no I am not budging for your crap! But I know I am only making it more difficult for myself by having that attitude. We will be given the same mercy we show others. And I will sure as heck need it at times in the future. I think I get prideful and forget that.

I also realize that I will be a much better person, with a lot more grace and love, if I can learn to handle these kinds of situations well. Unsure of where to go from here, at least I realize what I need to work on. Now for strength of will and "how."

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